onelinersToday at 3:00 amMy wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, “Everyone just eats it.”
oneliners21 Sep at 10:58 amI refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
oneliners21 Sep at 3:59 amMy parents are always telling me that their world doesn’t revolve around me. So I guess that means that I’m not actually their sun.
oneliners20 Sep at 11:59 pmI took my relatives kids to the movies it only cost all the money I had for the cookout tomorrow and my rent.
oneliners20 Sep at 12:00 amSon: “What’s an inheritance?” Me: “Nothing you need to be concerned with.”
oneliners16 Sep at 8:00 pm“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?” “No son, have you seen my glasses?”
oneliners16 Sep at 6:58 pm1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
oneliners16 Sep at 12:59 amMy friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. That wasn’t my question.
oneliners12 Sep at 2:59 pmWhat did the giraffe say to the zebra when his mom called him home? Zebra later!
oneliners10 Sep at 6:00 pmI don’t think I’ll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother’s Day – a doctor for a son-in-law.
