oneliners13 Mar at 10:58 amKids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls.
oneliners13 Mar at 7:59 amMy kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
oneliners9 Mar at 7:59 pmA little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
oneliners9 Mar at 3:59 pmSmaller babies may be delivered by storks but the heavier ones would need a crane!
oneliners8 Mar at 7:00 amMy nephew found a cassette tape in my house. It was like watching early man discovered fire.
oneliners8 Mar at 3:01 amSure women live longer than men, but we spend that extra time at awkward bridal and baby showers wishing we were dead, so I feel like it’s a fair trade.
oneliners5 Mar at 8:59 pmMy daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don’t think she’d be a good secret agent.
oneliners4 Mar at 9:59 amToday, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
oneliners4 Mar at 6:00 amI told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
oneliners1 Mar at 8:02 pmI figure I might need a new kidney in 30 years, so I’ve decided to have a kid.
