oneliners3 Feb at 11:58 pmWhy do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
oneliners2 Feb at 12:01 amI often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about.
oneliners27 Jan at 12:58 pmWhat medical condition does a person have if the shoot all the bullets out the mag, then tries to shoot the enemy and forgets he shoot all the bullets. Ammoneisa.
oneliners27 Jan at 3:59 amTo make a millennial laugh, just tell them how people used to believe a business or government would actually keep information confidential.
oneliners26 Jan at 2:00 amPeople say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
oneliners25 Jan at 2:59 amPeople are lot less judgy when you say you ate an ‘avocado salad’ instead of a bowl of guacamole.
oneliners23 Jan at 7:00 pmAs I get older and remember all the people I’ve lost along the way. I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
oneliners23 Jan at 4:00 amTreat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit.
