oneliners2 hours agoMy brother and I were visiting our grandmother in the hospital. My brother says “grandma I can’t stand to see you like this…” My grandmother replies “well get the hell out then!”
onelinersToday at 7:00 pmHitting birds is illegal and you get a big fine, I learned this when I kicked a pelican… I ended up footing a massive bill.
onelinersToday at 2:01 amI do try to be empathetic and put myself in other people’s shoes… but I have big feet.
onelinersYesterday at 1:59 amWhy do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels!
oneliners29 Nov at 11:00 pmThree conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence!
