oneliners18 Sep at 1:01 amSometimes I go into the fitting room with jeans three sizes too big so I can feel what it’s like to succeed at a diet.
oneliners15 Sep at 1:01 amQ: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex? A: Wait until it’s born.
oneliners10 Sep at 10:58 pmA graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.
oneliners9 Sep at 1:58 pmI had a job selling security alarms door to door and I was really good at it. If no one was home I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
oneliners2 Sep at 8:58 pmIdentity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life.
oneliners2 Sep at 5:01 amI heard that Michael Jackson loved his soda, so much so that they called him the King of Pop.
oneliners31 Aug at 10:02 amI know everyone thinks tall people have a lot of advantages in life but in reality, we have to deal with 40% more spider webs than you do.
oneliners31 Aug at 6:58 amI’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I’m putting off until later.
