oneliners25 mins agoDear alma mater, please don’t send wealth management workshop invites to those of us who majored in creative writing.
onelinersToday at 7:05 amI once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.
oneliners21 Sep at 10:01 pmWhy did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn’t control her pupils.
oneliners21 Sep at 10:58 amI refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
oneliners15 Sep at 7:59 amI got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.
oneliners15 Sep at 2:58 amSometimes late at night in bed, I wonder what life choices do I have to make to be the guy who says ‘yeah’ in the background of hip-hop songs.
oneliners14 Sep at 3:59 amI always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
oneliners13 Sep at 7:58 amMost of the people dream of not working and having lots of money. During an economic crisis 50 % of those dreams came true.
oneliners12 Sep at 3:58 pmIn my career as a lumberjack, I cut down exactly 82,546 trees. I know that, because I kept a log.
